Beyond Exhaustion
by ATTHS
Summary: Mulder and Scully in the aftermath of the birth of the baby. Dealing with being new parents and exhausted all the time.


Some days it was easy and some days it was harder than she remembered. There were two of them now, where before it was mainly just her, but there were still days where Scully was ready to scream.

For the most part she was a good baby: eating, sleeping, pooping and peeing just as she should be. Some days though, she and Mulder were both exhausted, staring at each other across the table, eyes heavy, hair messy, both not smelling their best.

"I'm so tired. How is it possible to be this tired? We ran on little to no fuel for years, but this Scully…" he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair and then down his jaw. "Did I shower yesterday? The day before?" He sniffed at himself and shook his head. "Nope."

"Mulder, I hate to do this to you, but we are almost out of diapers. I can't go, she's going to need to eat soon," Scully said, feeling the ache in her breasts. He looked at her with empty eyes that reflected her own, and he sighed. "I'm so sorry."

He pushed himself up on his elbows, then his hands, bent over the table, before stretching with another sigh as he straightened up. Grabbing his keys, he walked to the door, lifting his coat from the hook and slipping his arms inside.

"Mulder, you're in your pajamas," she sighed, rubbing her face, taking her hair from the ponytail and putting it up again, crossing her arms onto the table.

"I don't give even the smallest of shits," he said quietly and walked out the door.

She put her head down on her arms, eyes closing and sleep pressing heavily upon her as she sighed. She could smell herself and it was definitely not good. Sweat, worry, and lack of sleep was not a great aroma.

A cry pierced the air and she wanted to cry as her breasts responded to the sound. Knowing it would only get worse, she stood up in much the same fashion Mulder did, by sheer force. Dragging her feet, she walked up the stairs and into their room to the bassinet.

The dark head was moving as she cried, her body squirming inside of the tightly wrapped blanket. Scully sighed as she watched her little mouth open and crying for her next meal.

Tired beyond anything she had ever felt, she still smiled as she picked her up, shushing her as she rocked her close. "It's okay sweet pea, I'm here. I know, I know. Shhh it's okay." She quieted, her eyes opening and looking at Scully. "You're hungry, I know. Let's go take care of that."

She walked to the bed and grabbed her nursing pillow, situating it to the best possible position, before she lifted her shirt to feed her. As soon as she latched on, they both sighed. Closing her eyes, Scully rubbed her tiny head, letting the short strands of hair run through her fingers like satin.

Letting her nurse for a few minutes, she then switched sides. Before latching on, Scully heard and felt her fill her diaper. "Oh my God," she whispered. Another grunt and she knew it was going further than the diaper would hold.

Debating between the screaming for lack of a full belly or because of the forced complete outfit change, she opted to let her eat while she breathed through her nose with full knowledge that she might be holding more shit than human at the moment.

She latched on and ate before pausing and grunting again. "How? How do you have that much inside of you?" Scully all but cried. Nursing again, this time she did cry, knowing when she was finished she would be facing a horrible mess.

Taking her from her breast a few minutes later, she shook her head as she looked down at her. She needed to burp or she would cry. But knowing, feeling, and smelling what she would be holding and thus patting further into her skin, she moved from the bed and stood in the middle of the room.

"I don't know what to do," she cried, exhausted tears running down her face. The door opened and closed downstairs and she cried harder. She was no longer alone.

"Scully?" He called softly and then he was in the doorway, staring at her, a box of diapers in his hands.

"She's filthy," she said and Mulder stood there frozen. "She needs to burp. Welcome back to the goddamn chaos. Now fucking help me." She sobbed, smelling the stench of the baby, knowing she was being overly rude, but unable to stop it.

The box dropped to the floor and he walked over to her, gently taking the baby and guiding her to the bathroom. Crying from them both filled the room as he turned on the shower, the baby on his shoulder. She could see the mess seeping through the blanket and she cried harder.

He took a towel from the rack and laid it on the floor, placing the baby on top. He stepped to Scully and helped her undress before guiding her into the shower. She stepped inside and the warmth of the water made her cry harder. She could hear him out there dealing with the mess, remaining calm and quieting the baby.

She stood there for what felt like forever, the warm water doing wonders to bring her back to sanity. She washed her hair, her body, staying under the water as it washed away her sadness and woke her up.

Turning the water off, she stepped out and found the room empty, as she wrapped a towel around herself. She dried off and slid on some loose comfortable clothes. Using the towel to wring out her hair, she ran a brush through it and then pulled it back in a ponytail. Leaving the towel on the tub to find Mulder and apologize for her outburst, she walked out of the bathroom.

Not finding them in the bedroom, she went downstairs and heard them in the dining room. On the table, he had the baby in the little tub, washing her and speaking softly as he did. There was no evidence of the soiled blanket, clothes, or towel; he must have put them in the wash.

Seeing him performing a task that usually took both of them to accomplish, she began to cry. Her love for him filled her in a way it never had before. He was just as tired as she was, had dragged himself out to get more diapers, and had come home to a hysterical crying woman as she held their shit covered child. Then without hesitation or an argument, he took over, caring for her and then the baby.

He looked up as he heard her sniff and gave her a smile. "Well, it was bad, but nothing we couldn't handle, right my love?" He looked at the baby and smiled as she squirmed around. "That was the worst so far, and I mean the worst. I will need a _Silkwood_ scrub down after this, but hey, what do you do?"

Stepping closer to him, she touched his back as she wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Scully, you have nothing to apologize for, not one bit."

"I yelled-"

"Not the first time and won't be the last. Can you get the towel ready?"

She laid out the soft yellow towel and he lifted the baby from the tub, placing her upon it. Scully wrapped her and lifted her, looking at him with tears in her eyes as she shook her head.

"I've got it from here, you go shower, Mulder." He shook his head and took the baby from her, gesturing with his chin to head upstairs. She walked and he followed her into the nursery where they worked together to get her diapered and dressed.

Once she was wrapped in a clean blanket, Mulder handed her to Scully and smiled, pulling them both close to him. "We are both exhausted and the shit literally hit the fan today. But, Scully, you don't need to apologize for shouting, swearing, or hating me at times. You brought her into this world, you… you made me a father again. You want to scream and cry, I'm right here."

She cried into his chest as she held the baby close to _her_ chest. The three of them could have been the only people in the world and she would not have cared. All that mattered was him and this tiny bundle that had turned their lives upside down.

"Thank you," she whispered and he hummed. Pulling back, he looked into her eyes and smiled. She closed her eyes briefly and then smiled at him. "About that shower you mentioned?" He laughed softly and nodded.

Together they walked into the bedroom and Scully sat on the bed, nursing the baby once more, burping her when she finished. Wrapping her up and moving to lay down in bed, she whispered how much she loved her and how sorry she was for her tears and frustration.

The bathroom door opened and the scent of freshly washed Mulder filled the room. She closed her eyes and stayed that way, letting it wash over her. The bed dipped as he laid down beside her, the scent now closer, calming her tired mind and body.

"I almost forgot what it felt like to be clean. To smell _good_, Scully? It's like a concept I remember but can't quite grasp," he whispered, sighing heavily. His hand found her hip and rested there, his breathing beginning to even out.

The baby sighed and Scully opened her eyes, watching her yawn, her head falling to the side as her eyes closed. She looked at Mulder, his mouth open, already asleep. Smiling, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The three of them lay together, clean and content as they slept.

For now anyway…


End file.
